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Monday, December 9, 2013

Related by Chance, Family by Choice by Deb DeArmond

Book Summary (from AMAZON)
The caricatures are everywhere, the jokes are inexhaustible, and the stereotypes fill the screens. From Marie Barone (Everyone Loves Raymond) to Viola Fields (Monster-in-Law) to Internet sites and social media pages like and a Facebook page for ihatemymotherinlaw there is no shortage of examples of the caustic relationships that can develop between the two women in a man’s life.
Deb DeArmond and her three daughters-in-law have conducted their own exhaustive research into the status of the women-in-law relationship. Their research, which incorporated online surveys, interviews, and discussions, included asking about the faith factor in the relationships they studied. Of the respondents, nearly 90 percent claimed they were Christians, and 79 percent said their faith was foundational and guided their actions and decisions. As discouraging as it may be, the numbers of those they surveyed who reported that their women-in-law relationships were “bad” were nearly identical to those in a survey conducted by a popular secular website that recorded no statistics on faith.
Beyond the statistics and their analysis, Deb brings to this book more than thirty years working with adults to improve communications and deal constructively with conflict. Aside from her research and her professional expertise, perhaps the most important asset Deb brings to this work is her own relationship with her three daughters-in-law that is so obviously and unusually positive that she—and they—are often asked to explain the secret of the relationships they share.
This practical and unapologetically scriptural book covers issues of personal perceptions, strained communication, the roles of sons and fathers in the relationship’s success, how to begin these relationships on the right foot, and the necessity of trust and love. Deb’s one motivating objective is to help womenin- law move from women who are simply related to strong and confident members of a truly spiritual family.

My Thoughts:

I really enjoyed this book. When I first saw I could review this, I was excited. I know from personal experience how miserable a bad Mother/Daugher in Law relationship can be. My MIL has always been difficult and has on many occasions tried to get in between me and my husband. 
I have a son, and I know that's not the type of relationship I want with my future daughter in law.
I think this is a book that needs to be read multiple times to catch everything it has to offer. I love the assessments at the end of chapters. You can't just read this book and forget it, you really have to dig deep and assess where you are and what you want out of it. 
There are action steps which allow discussion and thought provoking realizations. I think every mom should read this book, especially mom's of boys because there is something different about that when it comes to marriage and letting go. 
So much wisdom in learning how to change the stereotypes of this relationship and turn it into something amazing. 
I encourage you to check this book out and let others know about it also. You can find it HERE.

Disclosure: I received a print copy of the book in exchange for an honest review. My opinions are my own and may differ from others.

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